


Save the Girl You Used to Be

by srmiller



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergent, Gen, Grief, crossover fic, takes place right after octavia leaves the throne room in season 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-17
Updated: 2016-09-17
Packaged: 2018-08-15 13:54:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8058898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/srmiller/pseuds/srmiller
Summary: Octavia has killed the man who killed the love of her life, but it's not enough. She walks away from her brother, she thinks for the last time, and still the pain is there and the hate and the anguish and why won't it go away? Why won't these emotions just let her be?But even as she find solitude to get herself together, she realizes she's not alone. A blonde woman in white leather announces she's a Time Traveler here to save her, but Octavia doesn't need to be saved. She knows what she needs to do, Blood Must Have Blood.Or does it?





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [wrc_pheonix](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=wrc_pheonix).



Octavia walked into the first empty room she could find and let out a string of curses in both English and Trigedasleng because her anger couldn’t be confined to a single language.

“Feel better?”

Jumping at the bright voice from her right Octavia instinctively pulled her sword from the scabbard at her back.

“That’s pretty cool,” the voice complimented cheerfully. “I prefer a bo staff myself, it’s retractable but I can handle a sword if I need to.”

The woman sitting near the balcony looks enough like Clarke they could be relatives with her blonde hair and blue eyes, but there’s a casualness in the way she sits on the steps that’s deceptive. By now, Octavia can recognize a warrior when she sees one.

“Who are you?”

“Sara,” she answers easily and Octavia realizes she’s not Triku, not with the white leather she wears. She’s not Skikru either. Octavia may not recognize everyone from the Ark other than the people she fell with but Octavia knows the people who had taken the chip were being corralled in the throne room.

She’d seen the way Clarke’s mom had reacted when ALIE had been defeated, Kane too. Like they’d been ripped out of a dream and were hopeless.

This woman, whoever she was, she had hope in her eyes.

“What are you doing here?”

“You’re not going to believe this,” Sara warned as she stood up and Octavia lowered her sword but didn't put it away. “But I’m a Time Traveler.”

“Bullshit.”

Sara laughed and it was bright and there was something inside Octavia which remembered the sound, how a laugh like that could fill your chest and come out with joy. The ache is painful and weak so Octavia pushed it away.

“Told you,” Sara sang. “But I am. My captain and I were traveling, trying to stop the bad guys, but they’ve taken over our ship with a virus. We don’t have long before we have to destroy it to keep it out of the hands of people who would use it to do evil.”

Sara stopped walking and there was a trace of sadness in her voice now, in her eyes. “And I thought of all the people we could have helped, and I asked Rip, my captain, if we couldn’t save the world at least let me save one person. Just one person.”

Octavia was vastly offended by the look in Sara’s eyes. “I don’t need saving.”

“Don’t you?” Sara asked softly and something inside Octavia cracked and she desperately tried to fill it in with cynicism because she couldn’t bear to have the dam break. She didn’t think she could survive the wave of emotions which would follow.

“No.”

“I know you believe that, because I believed it once too.” There was a slight smile on her face, bittersweet. “I had a friend once who told me my soul could be saved and I didn’t believe him, mostly because I didn’t think it deserved to be saved. That’s the difference between you and me, Octavia-‘

“How do you know my name?”

“Time traveler,” she reminded Octavia with another bright smile which fell away quickly. “The difference is you haven’t sold your soul yet, or at least not all of it. It hurts, doesn’t it?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Octavia put her sword away and turned to walk away but stopped at the words thrown at her back like daggers.

“The universe doesn’t hate you.”

Octavia turned, “Excuse me?”

“That’s what you’re thinking. The universe hates me, why else would it take everything from me? But the truth is, the universe doesn’t even know your name. The universe doesn’t give a shit about you.”

“Who the hell do you think you are?”

“I’m you,” Sara snapped back. “I was you, someone who thought the universe had my number, that out of the millions of people in the world it had picked me to shit on but the truth is crap happens to everyone but in the moment, when it happens to you, it feels like you’re being ripped from the inside out and it’s the most painful to thing to ever happen in the history of the world.”

“What do you know about it?”

“I lost a family member, and someone I loved.” There must been some twitch on her face because Sara nodded, “Sounds familiar doesn’t it? But we’ve got a difference, you and I.”

“The fact your crazy?”

Again the bright laughter. “Don’t knock it till you try it, but no. You still have your sibling. Mine’s gone, died while trying to save a city while I tried to save the world.”

“Great job with that by the way.”

“Hey,” Sara scolded, her eyes narrowing. “You should have seen what it would have been like if we hadn’t helped. But that’s not the point. Your brother is still alive, he’s right down the hall, taking care of the body you left to bleed all over the floor. You killed the man responsible, why are you still pushing him away?”

Octavia pressed her lips together and looked away.

“If you don’t know why, that’s okay, because I do” Octavia’s eyes swung back up to those blue eyes. “He makes you feel and you don’t want to feel right now. You want to be alone and hard and to never feel pain again but I’m going to let you in a on secret: it won’t work. You’ll lose your brother, maybe because you’re not there to protect him, but you’ll lose him and you’ll think this pain was just a shadow of what you’re capable of.”

“You don’t know that, Bellamy can take care of himself.”

“Yeah? So could my sister, doesn’t mean she couldn’t have used some backup the day she died. All I’m saying is you lived your life with Lincoln, you loved him every day and he knew you loved him. When he died, other than wanting more time, was there anything you regret?”

Octavia thought of those first days in the cave, of helping him escape the dropship, running away with him before the Grounders attacked the first place she’d ever had that felt like home. Their life together had been bright green and blood red and every time she pulled out her sword she’d know, even if wasn’t there, he had her back.

“No.”

“And if Bellamy dies thinking you hated him, would you have regrets?”

“He doesn’t-“

“He thinks he deserves it,” Sara interrupted.  “That’s why he didn’t defend himself when you hit him. He thinks he’s a monster covered in blood and you’re better off without him, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t kill him to see you walk away. He’ll die, Octavia, thinking he’s not worthy of love.”

There were tears pricking the back of Octavia’s eyes, and they struck fear and desperation in her heart because if they started, she didn't think they'd ever stop. “I’ll die if I have to feel one more thing.”

Sara stepped close enough Octavia could see every freckle on the blonde’s face and they reminded her of her brother and a single, heart wrenching tear fell down her face.

“You think your emotions make you weak, but they can make you strong as well.”

Sara reached behind her and Octavia was wrapped up in fighting off the wave of emotions she didn’t think to be worried. Only a minute ago she would have seen the move as offensive and reached for her sword.

But instead of attacking, Sara held out a slim piece of black metal barely longer than her forearm.

“What is this?” Octavia asked even as she automatically reached out to take it.

“My bo staff,” Sara explained and when her fingers let go it was almost reluctantly. “Sword’s too easy, you can kill without even trying, but with this…well, you can kill with it but you have to really mean it. I’ve seen where killing takes you Octavia, it’s a dark place but with this? This could make Lincoln proud, and even more importantly, I think it would have made 13-year-old you proud.”

Octavia looked up, surprised by the comment.

Sara smiled, but again there was sadness at the edges. “Cause doesn’t every little sister wish they could save the older sibling who seems so strong you don’t think they need anything?”

Octavia tested the weight in her hand, it was lighter than she’d expected and with a twist of her wrist it extended to almost her full height.

“It’s black.”

Sara laughed, “Yeah. It’s my old one. Even as a good guy I didn’t think white would suit you.”

“You don’t think I’m a good guy now.”

“I think you’re at a fork in the road,” Sara admitted. “And I think instead of trying to get vengeance, to get blood, maybe you can be a hero instead. Protect people,” she added with emphasis. “Save them, and remember sometimes all you can do is save one person, and it’s okay if that person’s you.”

Sara stepped towards the balcony and Octavia was confused because there was no exit that way. “What are you doing?”

The bright grin was back, a little wild a little wicked this time. “This is my badass exit.”

And, as if on cue, a banged up ship appeared behind her, engines roaring and a ramp lowered to let her on.

“Who are you?” Octavia yelled over the noise.

“Ever hear of the Canary?” Sara asked.

“That’s an urban tale,” Octavia argued.

“Yeah? What about the Green Arrow?" Octavia nodded. "That's awesome, I can't wait to tell Ollie. Oh, and your horse is down below, by the way. I haven’t ridden one since the Old West and he was good ride.”

“Helios?" Shit, there was the hope, burning to bright inside her. "You brought me Helios?”

“I was thinking you could be like a badass version of the Lone Ranger.”

“The who?”

“Oh my God, I’m old. Ask your brother, and don’t lose that.” Sara nodded to the staff Octavia still held in her hand. “Someone’s got to carry on the legacy, Octavia. Be the Canary and make yourself proud.”

Sara stepped onto the ramp and ran inside as it closed behind her and Octavia was left standing in a room smelling of engine exhaust and wondering what the hell had happened and why there were tear stains on her cheek.

“Octavia?”

She turned at Bellamy’s voice and wiped the tears away before he came into the room.

“I thought I heard someone yelling,” he looked hesitant and worried. Her brother, she thought with painful clarity, was afraid to get too close to her.

Looking down at the staff, Octavia knew this was the moment she had to choose, mercenary or hero. She remembered all those stories her brother had told her and she knew, when faced with the possible consequences of her decisions, she knew which path she would take.

Her brother had raised her to be a hero, she could never knowingly go to a place so dark.

“Bell,” she laughed as a weight fell off her chest, rolled off her shoulders. “You’re never going to believe what happened.”

And there, she thought, was the look of hope in her brother’s eyes.


End file.
